


Rip the speakers out of my car

by babycheescake



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dom Louis, Dom/sub, Eventual Smut, Feminine Harry, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-11-18 14:56:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18122588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babycheescake/pseuds/babycheescake
Summary: People sometimes still ask me about him, they ask why he isn't with me when I walk into a bar or to a restaurant where we've been together. They ask me if I miss him, sometimes I'm tempted to say yes, but that would be a lie. I like to look back at all the memories I share with him, even at the bad ones. But I don't miss him anymore.I wake up in the morning and don't miss the weight of his arms around me, I make coffee and don't accidentally make a second cup just for him, I come home and don't yell "I'm home", at least not anymore. All of that passed with time.Or Harry went through a horrible breakup and is now trying to start a new life in a new city. It isn't going well until he meets the handsome Professor Louis. He wants to let himself feel again but he's scared of getting hurt.





	1. Hi

Hello everyone,

This is just something I decided to write when I'm not working or when I'm not at the University. I don't really have much of a plan where this story is heading but I hope we can discover this together. So buckle up bc this is going to be one hell of a ride 


	2. So I Hold On

I remember how it felt with him, it was light and easy, sometimes I wished I could have said that it was perfect. Maybe I still wish I could say it was perfect. If I could everything would make so much more sense. But mostly why I was so destroyed after everything fell apart. Why I spend weeks on end in my bed, not moving from the spot, not even having any tears left to cry anymore. It would be so much easier to explain because I could just say "He was perfect"

Maybe it would even make me feel better about him, about myself and about everything that went down between us. Sometimes i think it would even help me understand why he did what he did, but that's not true and I know this very well, after all, I spend countless hours thinking about why. About why he left, why I wasn't enough and mostly why me. I couldn't understand why it had to be me. I fell in love with him, I fell so hard and so fast that I didn't even notice what was happening until it was too late. 

But maybe that was the problem I fell too hard and too fast. I fell for someone charming, for someone smart and intelligent, for someone beautiful. The thing was, I fell for someone I didn't really know. I fell for a facade, for a pretty face. Now I sometimes wonder why I didn't ask questions, why I didn't ask him about his family and where he was from. But the mistake has been done and I can't do anything about it, no matter how much I want to. Its time to move on there is a whole world waiting for me. 

People sometimes still ask me about him, they ask why he isn't with me when I walk into a bar or to a restaurant where we've been together. They ask me if I miss him, sometimes I'm tempted to say yes, but that would be a lie. I like to look back at all the memories I share with him, even at the bad ones. But I don't miss him anymore

I wake up in the morning and don't miss the weight of his arms around me, I make coffee and don't accidentally make a second cup just for him, I come home and don't yell "I'm home", at least not anymore. All of that passed with time. 

Now its time to forget that whole part of my life, he was a part of my life but he isn't my life any longer, he lost that title the moment he walked away. Now its time to look after me. Its time to start over, new city, new job, new beginning. It's finally time to leave him in the past.

HES xx

He slowly slid over the page with his hand and smiled down. It's the last page he is ever going to waste on him ever again.   
Like he wrote, its time to move on. He slowly slid the little notebook back on the shelf and looked around the room for the last time. He knew it was time to move on, that's what he was doing, moving on. But mostly just moving away, away from these memories and this godforsaken town. He needs new things, new streets and new faces


	3. Trying My Best

When Anthony left, Harry was beaten down. That man was his whole life and when he left it felt like he had taken Harry's whole life with him. Like not a single reason to live was left.

It was horribly stupid of Harry to get attached to someone even though he knew they were going to leave someday. Anthony told Harry over again that the thing between them wasn't permanent, that he will have to leave again at some point.

But no one can blame him for getting attached after nearly 5 years together. He thought that Anthony would stay, even if just for him. They had built a life together, Harry's family absolutely adored him.

But then one morning he woke up alone in their bedroom and Anthony was gone, just like that, not even a goodbye. Only a pathetic post-it note on the bathroom mirror.

That day Harry swore he wouldn't let anyone hurt him like this ever again. No matter the excuse, he deserved to feel loved and cherished. And that's why he's here, away from home, away from these memories and away from pitiful looks.

His Family thought he was never going to get better, he knows that they were worried sick but at that time he couldn't care less. He couldn't do anything except cry and sleep. It was horrible for everyone involved.

But the worst thing was that he came back. Harry was doing so much better, he was back at work and he saw his family every other day. Things were going great and he could feel the Happiness coming back into his life and then he was back, just like that. He stood at Harry's front door and tried to explain everything.

That's when everything fell apart for him. And that's why he is here, to escape.

Photography was something Harry loved since he was a little boy, his mum gave him his first camera at the age of 11 and he hasn't put it down since.  
There was just something about freezing the moment on a tiny screen and then putting it on a small piece of paper, that fascinated him and it still does to this day. The best thing is that everyone can see it, they see their own version of what happened in the picture. Everyone can admire it but only you know what happened seconds before and after it was taken. There is a certain mystery to it that he absolutely adores. Just freezing memories forever and never having to forget something.

But that was also Harry's biggest problem, he wanted to capture every moment with a photo, to never forget a memory. He had captured hundreds of memories with Anthony. And they were sitting in boxes at his old home, he thought about burning them all but he couldn't bring himself to do it. After all, they are memories, valuable memories and yeah, it hurts like hell to look at them now, but maybe someday in the near future, it won't. He wants to be over Anthony so he can remember these wonderful times they had together. He wants to be able to look at these Photos and not burst out with tears.

He wants to finally be able to listen to love songs without thinking about how bad he has it, how unlovable he is and how bad he at relationships. And these are such stupid thoughts because Harry knows that he is a lovely person. He is very nice, that's the thing he likes the most about himself. He is very helpful and everyone can always count on him, He likes to think that he is a nice enough person. But maybe he just isn't cut out for a relationship. Maybe he is too boring, his work is too boring because there isn't anything interesting about photography, is there?

And that's an example of how he works himself up and ends up having an anxiety attack. These don't happen often but when they do, he doesn't really know how to calm himself down. So he just lays down and waits till it over, till all of these horrible thoughts leave his head and the hallucinations go away.

You could say that he always was a quiet child, always by himself, which means he didn't really have many friends. But that might be his own fault, being a feminine boy just wasn't something the boys in schools wanted to see. Because boys don't wear pink and they don't paint their nails. His parents never had anything against it, they always were very supportive, always encouraged him to be who he wants to be, they are the only reason why he didn't change. It didn't really matter to him that he didn't have any friends, he had his sister who always stood by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are very shot right now but I promise they will get longer with time. Also, this is my first serious fic so leave me some tips on how to make it better  
> Kissy x


	4. Lost in the sound

The moment the studio was finally set up Harry felt so accomplished, it's like he did something right the first time in his life and he was so damn proud of himself for not wasting a single second on Anthony.  
The opening is in a week and he is so excited about it. He had a studio back at home but it was in his flat and it was hard to separate work and private life. He found himself working well into the night most days and even falling asleep at his desk.

He has written down names for weeks, looking for the perfect one, he wanted it to represent him and what he was doing then to him it wasn't just taking pictures of people and things. The perfect name came to him one morning while he has been taking a break from unpacking, he was walking around the neighbourhood, he was thinking about how pictures are like memories to him and it just clicked ' MEMORIES '. It fits perfectly.

The sign was the prettiest thing Harry has ever seen. It was light pink and cut out like a cloud, the letters were written in cursive and he could light them up in any colour we wanted. He was absolutely in love with it.  
The studio wasn't even open for full two hours and he already had his first job. It was nothing big just taking photos of professors at the London University for their website. He quickly packed up his stuff and went t his car. This day was going great, better then he expected. Harry honestly thought it would take a few days for his first job and that he would have to hand out flyers or something. But the location of the studio was perfect and he guessed people liked what they saw.

He arrived at the university 30 Minutes earlier to set up his camera and the lights. If someone asked him if he was nervous he would have to say yes, sure he did that before but is different now.  
When he was done setting up the camera he went back to his car to get the lights, he checked his phone and say that he had another 3 requests, this was going so go - suddenly he felt himself falling backwards. Harry was ready to hit the hard floor when he felt an arm wrap around him.

"Easy there little one" the men said, Harry looked up and started blushing right away, holding him up was a handsome man, he smirked at him while his arm was still around Harry.

"Oh- umm- I'm sorry, i-i wasn't looking where I'm going. Sorry" Harry mumbled while looking at the floor. He felt so small under the stare of the other men, even though the other was a little bit smaller than him.

" That's alright love, just watch where you're going next time, wouldn't want you to get hurt. " He smiled, squeezed my waist and his arm disappeared.

"Oh- yes, o-of course. " Harry mumbled and blushed even harder.

" Alright, have a great day. " The men said and started walking

"And try to not walk into more strangers" He winked and with that he was gone.

Harry took a deep breath and stared at the spot where the Stranger just stood, 'Fuck' that was all he could think. His knees weak from the men's stare and his breath hitched. He doesn't know what to do, he is totally frozen. After a few minutes, Harry got his thoughts together and picked up the lights from his car.

The building was absolutely stunning, Harry wished he had time to walk around and just capture every corner of it. The light grey of the bricks and the green around it created an amazing atmosphere.

God, he would have loved studying here, especially after he saw what kind of students attend the university. That handsome stranger just wouldn't leave his mind. The way he grabbed him and hold him tightly, it just did something to him and Harry had no idea what.   
God Harry would love to photograph him, to capture his stare and the way his eyes stood out, they were so incredibly captivating.

After his lights were in the right position Harry told the head teacher that they could start. It wasn't anything exciting, he just had to take a headshot of every teacher.

And so they came, one after the other entered the room, sometimes they came in a group or with a few students. He took 3 or 4 photos with every teacher and then the next sat down.

They were all very nice and always talked to him for a few seconds. He was almost halfway done when he turned around to take a swing of his water bottle, the lights making him thirsty.

"You can go ahead and take a seat, I'm gonna be right with you," Harry said while putting the bottle down and putting his hair up in a bun. When he turned around he was met with the same stare as before, his body froze again and he was pretty sure he started blushing, just from the way the man looked at him, a small smirk visible.

"So you are a photographer?" The stranger on the stool asked while looking him up and down once again. Harry had a problem catching his breath with the way the man's eyes felt on him, it felt like the other one was towering over him, even though he was sitting and was shorter then Harry if he remembered correctly.  
Harry nodded shortly when he noticed that the other waited for an answer.

"Use your works love," He said with a soft voice and it was as if all Oxygen in the world has suddenly disappeared, Harry's eyes got wide and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he could feel himself taking a breath.

"Y-yeah umm, I am" He stumbled over his words and looked at the floor.  
He felt like a little kid, getting in trouble for eating candy before dinner.

"That's nice, I'm Louis Tomlinson by the way. I teach English literature and Drama here." His eyes softened the moment he saw that Harry was struggling to speak.

" 'm Harry, It's nice to meet you." within moments Harry got himself together and adjusted the camera.

"If you could umm, lift your chin up for me, j-just a little bit. A-and If you don't know what to do with your hands just umm, fold them on your lap that should work" He noticed that he spoke way to slow but his brain was fuzzy and he had to think about what to do next.

He shot the 4 Photos quickly and thanked the man.

"That would be it, thank you" He smiled shyly at the teacher and turned around to catch his breath while grabbing the powder. He didn't think he would see the person he saw sitting on the stool when he turned around.


End file.
